These days, when I am feeling homesick, I always think of Harare in spring, when the city is a sea of color. All the tall Msasa trees bear leaves in all shades of red, yellow, orange and purple. Slowly the colors lighten to a bright green that darkens to the forest green that announces the arrival of summer. Soon after, the jacarandas and flamboyant trees start to bloom. I can almost see it before me now, almost hear the bees buzzing. The avenues are lined with the delicate, fragrant violet blooms of the Jacaranda tree and the deep red flowers of the aptly-named flamboyant trees. The fallen petals form a rainbow carpet on the avenues of the bustling city.
I’m feeling homesick today. It’s been a cold miserable day. I woke up this morning to a white Denton. I was quite surprised. The weatherman hadn’t said anything about snow! There’s something about snow that seems to bring out the inner child in everyone. People just seem more playful, and I overheard quite a few conversations about what people used to do when it snowed when they were kids.
Since I grew up in Zimbabwe, I obviously have no fond memories of childhood snow days, but the cold weather had me dreaming of home, of warmth, of summer rain and of days of dreaming about getting on a plane and going to America. Well I made it to America, but when I was a child, I never realized how homesick I would get. The start of the semester always leaves me with mixed emotions. There is the excitement of new classes, new projects and getting closer to achieving my dreams. But I also feel sadness because it feels like the more I commit myself to my dreams, the harder getting home becomes. I love being an English major. I’m excited about applying for Grad School and I really want to be a writer, but there are no jobs for English professors in Zimbabwe. Living off your writing isn’t really a possibility in Zimbabwe (not that it’s all that easy in America).
There’s a Drake track called “Closer”. On it, he samples Goapele’s song “Closer”. There’s a line I misheard all the time. She sings, “Sometimes it feels like I’ll never move on”. For over a year, I thought she was saying, “sometimes it feels like I’ll never go home.” I think it’s because when I’m thinking about my dreams, I can’t help but think that I may never go home permanently.
I’m getting higher, closer to my dreams,
But sometimes it feels like I’ll never go home.
Sometimes it feels like I’ll never go home.